"I’LL BE BACH… AFTER I HIT THIS."
In a dystopian future where weed is both currency and weapon, only one cybernetic enforcer is stoned enough to keep the peace—THE HASHINATOR. Part machine, part munchie-fueled menace, this half-baked hero patrols the wastelands with one mission: protect the stash, eliminate the boof, and never—ever—run out of lighter fluid.
- Powers & Abilities:
- Kief-Vision: Scans any substance and instantly calculates THC percentage (usually followed by, "Oh hell yeah")
- Resin Regeneration: Self-heals by scraping his own internal pipes (gross but effective)
- Dab Cannon: Right arm transforms into a high-powered concentrate launcher ("Say hello to my little friend… terpenes!")
- The T-800 (mg): Can consume precisely 800mg of edibles and still function (allegedly)
- Weaknesses:
- Dry Mouth Protocol: Malfunctions in low humidity ("Why is my tongue a raisin?")
- Slow Wi-Fi = Slow Reflexes: Buffering a show triggers full-system shutdown
- Morally Ambiguous: Will ignore crimes if paid in exotic strains
- Included Accessories:
- The Grinder Gauntlet (pulverizes foes—and oregano—into dust)
- Backwoods Bayonet (for close-quarters combat and impromptu roll-ups)
- A.I. Sidekick: Siri-juana ("Reminder: You left the oven on… again.")
- Arch-Nemesis:
- THE DEBOWLER – A rogue AI designed to clean glass… too thoroughly
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- Warning:
- May pause mid-battle to argue about "sativa vs. indica dominance" or text an ex. Battery life not guaranteed.
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- "Hasta la vista, boof."
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