When the city needs a hero who operates at unnatural speeds and talks way too much about their gym routine, SNOWFLAKE bursts onto the scene in a cloud of white powder and questionable life choices. Part vigilante, part walking HR violation, this crystalline crusader doesn’t fight crime so much as outlast it through sheer sleep deprivation and manic energy.
- Powers & Abilities:
- Blizzard Breath: Can talk nonstop for 72 hours about cryptocurrency, ancient aliens, or their "totally foolproof" business plan
- Mirror-Finish Reflexes: Dodges bullets (but not consequences) with Olympic-level paranoia
- Bank Account Drain: Special attack that inexplicably makes $8,000 vanish in a single night
- Sidekick: The Nosebleed (a sentient rolled-up bill that definitely shouldn’t sniff that)
- Weaknesses:
- Any social event without a bathroom stall
- The 4th consecutive day without sleep (turns into a sobbing Walmart greeter)
- Sudden realizations about their childhood
- Included Accessories:
- Tactical Razorblade (for "emergencies")
- Gucci Fanny Pack (keeps the "vitamins" secure)
- A Lawyer (on retainer)
- Arch-Nemesis:
- THE COMEDOWN – A slow, crushing existential dread that arrives every Sunday at 3PM
- Warning:
- Super strength lasts exactly 27 minutes. Do not trust with house keys, relationships, or your Spotify queue.
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"Justice is a line you do alone at 4AM."
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